This content was created by Girlboss in collaboration with RAW Dating App.
Ever been left on read? Then you know what it’s like to get ghosted. It’s a toxic AF (and all-too-common) dating tactic where instead of openly communicating their reasons why they want to end things with you, potential partners vanish faster than your last Instagram story. Talk about a sucker punch. We sat down with relationship therapist Dr. Betsy Chung to uncover the secrets behind this modern dating phenomenon and explore why people disappear, how to avoid it, and what the future of digital dating might hold.
The Ghosting Epidemic
If you've dipped your toes into the dating pool lately, chances are you've experienced the spooky phenomenon of ghosting. It's not just you—a whopping 82% of daters have felt the chill of being left on read. This haunting behavior has become so ingrained in our online interactions that we barely bat an eyelash when it happens anymore (although, let’s be real, it still stings a little!).
Why Do They Ghost?
You might think you're the perfect catch, but sometimes people slip through the net. Dr. Betsy Chung explains, "Some of the most common reasons people may ghost somebody is because they've lost interest and didn't know how to end communication."
But what causes this sudden disinterest? It could be a case of commitment phobia, where they struggle with the idea of a long-term or serious relationship, or it could stem from a lack of clear expectations between both partners. "It might simply be that they found somebody else they are interested in and want to pursue, or they discovered that their futures don’t align, and that either scared them away or turned them off," Dr. Chung reveals.
The Message Overload
Think bombarding your crush with messages shows you care? Think again. "Receiving a sudden influx of messages may put pressure on the receiver to respond, and cause them to worry about what would be expected of them in a future relationship together," warns Dr. Chung.
On the flip side, taking too long to respond can be just as problematic. In today's swipe-right world, daters have more options than a buffet line. Dr. Chung notes, "They may not feel the need to over-invest time in somebody who's not reciprocating interest."
Finding Your Rhythm
So, how do you strike the right balance? "The goal should be to be your honest self, and make adjustments based on the other person's honest response to you," says Dr. Chung. It's like a dance—you need to find a partner who matches your rhythm.
Ghostbusting 101
While you can't control other people's behavior, you can lower your chances of being ghosted. “Communicate how you prefer to end communication, and hope that the other person is mature enough to honor your request,” suggests Dr. Chung.
Remember, ghosting says more about the ghoster than the ghostee. "People who ghost others typically lack the emotional maturity to have difficult conversations, and has nothing to do with you," adds Dr. Chung. As sucky as it is, don’t take it personally.
When You're the Potential Ghoster
Found yourself losing interest? Resist the urge to vanish into thin air (which will be extra hard for our fellow avoidant attachment girlies). "If you're not interested in somebody, simply say just that," says Dr.Chung. "By being honest about your feelings, you are demonstrating respect for their time and giving them the information they need to move on with their lives."
Here are some thoughtful message examples to send instead of ghosting:
The direct and kind approach:
"Hey [Name], I wanted to be honest and let you know that I don’t think we’re a match. I really appreciate the time we spent getting to know each other, and I wish you the best!"
The honest feedback approach:
"Hi [Name], I’ve enjoyed chatting, but I feel we’re looking for different things. I think it’s best if we part ways. Take care!"
The friendly approach:
"Hey [Name], I’ve been thinking and I don’t feel the connection I was hoping for. I think it’s best to move on, but I wish you all the best in your search!"
In the end, navigating the world of modern dating is all about clear communication and mutual respect. So next time you're tempted to ghost or feel the chill of being ghosted, remember: honesty is always the best policy.
Solutions to Spectral Problems
RAW, a dating app, has made it its mission to tackle the biggest online dating red flags—scams, catfishing, and yes, ghosting. Their latest feature, "limited unreplied chats," puts a cap on conversations where one party has gone radio silent. But technology can only do so much. To really solve the ghosting epidemic, we need a shift in dating behavior.
Ghostbusting Done Right
RAW is tackling ghosting head-on with their new campaign. The dating app opened a digital "helpline" for the haunted hearts of the dating world. With its new ‘bye-bye ghosting’ campaign, RAW will randomly select users who have been ghosted on the app to receive cool gifts (such as new iPhones and gift cards to Amazon, Sephora, and other popular retailers), increase visibility within the app, and free Premium access. This way, RAW turns getting ghosted from a bummer into a bonus.
The goal? To help users shake off the ghosting blues and dive back into the dating pool with renewed confidence. With these perks, RAW hopes daters can finally exorcize this painful aspect of digital romance and enjoy a ghosting-free experience. It's like Ghostbusters but for your love life.
