What began as a personal blog where Ev’Yan Whitney could vent about her lack of sexual freedom eventually bloomed into Sex Love Liberation, a place of refuge and affirmation for women and femmes from around the world. And as more and more people reached out to her for advice, the more she realized her higher calling was to help people on the path of sexual and romantic healing.
Whitney spends most days interviewing people for her podcastThe Sexually Liberated Woman or holding workshops on sensual self-portraiture. But the most gratifying part of her job is witnessing women transition “from a life of sexual dysfunction and insecurity to owning their sexuality outside of shame and trauma,” she says. “I’ve worked with hundreds of women and that feeling of pride in them for doing this great work, and accomplishment in myself for helping get them there, never gets old.”
Fighting the patriarchy, operating a radical business, and financially supporting herself by uplifting other women is nothing short of a boss move. However, it’s inevitable for Whitney, a Black queer women, to run into unrealistic expectations of herself that cause her to burn out.
How does she remedy that? By giving herself permission to be imperfect and taking rest as she needs it. She chooses not to work during the week of her period, which she calls Fallow Week, in order to release and connect with herself. Whitney, a Black, queer woman, believes that self-care is a gift to herself as well as her clients. “When they see me making clear boundaries like this and taking care of myself in this way, it helps give them permission to do the same,” she says.
Below, Whitney shares more of her self-care practices to stay recharged and in top boss condition.
“I’m a boss ass bitch.”
This is an evergreen affirmation that helps lead me away from self-doubt.
“I’ve got 99 problems, getting rich ain’t one.”
I use this to manifest abundance and to help me work through my scarcity mindset.
Skin care essential
Rose water and shea butter to moisturize and heal my dry-ass hormonal skin.
Apart from my own podcast,The Sexually Liberated Woman, I listen toTea With Queen and J. They’ve taught me so much and have also affirmed me so much. In my head, they’re my best friends.
Happy place outfit
My simple circle rings from Polaris Jewelry. I never take them off and the gold complements my bronze skin perfectly.
I live by this adage: “Do less now so you can do more later.” I’ve noticed that when I give myself space to breathe and pause between projects, I come back more focused and more productive. Our culture is so obsessed with having our self-worth be measured by how productive we are, so this “hack” is a balm I use to subvert that narrative.
Instagram, I’m embarrassed to say. Of all the social networks I’m a part of, this is the one I use to let my hair down and get inspired by my incredible friends and talented babes that are doing work similar to mine. I’ve actually been using Instagram as a diary these days since I haven’t been writing as much. It’s been fun to reconnect with writing in a not-super-serious kind of way.
Good hair secret-weapon
Box braids. My hair (and personal style) is super important to me. But with me being as busy as I have been with work, I don’t have a lot of time to deal with my natural hair. With box braids, I always have perfect hair which makes me feel instantly put together, even when I’m in sweatpants all day.
Flats, sneakers or heels
I love Everlane’s Street Sandals. I can’t do high heels, but I do like to have a little lift, and these are so comfortable to walk in.
Self-care method of choice
Therapy. I started going back again recently and it’s been a lifesaver. It’s important that healers get healed too.