You know that feeling when there's someone in your industry you really admire, but the idea of reaching out makes you hesitate. You don't want to sound awkward, you don't want to waste their time, and you definitely don't want to come off like you're just asking for something. So you do nothing.
At Girlboss, we'll tell you this straight: networking with people you admire isn't about being impressive; it's about being intentional and thoughtful. That's something networking expert and author Michelle Tillis Lederman, known for her work on relationship-building and likability, has built her career on.
In this guide, you'll learn how to reach out without overthinking it, how to offer value even if you feel inexperienced, and how to stay on someone's radar without being annoying. This is about making networking feel doable, not forced.
How to Network With Intention (So You're Not Just "Reaching Out")
When you're reaching out to someone you admire, clarity matters more than confidence. Michelle Tillis Lederman's core idea is simple: if you don't know why you're reaching out, the other person won't either.
"Just being friends" isn't a real goal. Are you trying to learn from them? Move into their field? Understand their path? When you define your purpose, your message becomes easier to write and easier to respond to.
Reaching out just to say you did it doesn't create a relationship. Even if you somehow had direct access to someone high-profile, the interaction still needs to make sense for both of you.
A simple way to start is with appreciation. A message that clearly explains how their work impacted you is far more effective than a vague introduction or a big ask. Keep it specific, and don't request anything upfront.
That said, if there's somebody you admire, sending a letter, an email, or a message is a good idea. If you have their email address, you should share how you got it and make sure that the subject line is relevant.
She suggests a subject line like "Appreciation from [Your Name]." That way, the recipient "knows it's not spam and it's not someone asking me for a million dollars. But I'm going to open a letter that starts with appreciation, thank you, or gratitude. Who doesn't want to get a thank you note?" she says.
With this type of note, you should explain how the recipient has made an impact on you or use it as an opportunity for further connection, but make sure you're not requesting or demanding anything.
How to Add Value When Networking (Even If You Feel Inexperienced)
"Most of the time, we feel that when we are the person in a lower position or with a lower success level, that we don't have anything to add, but that's not accurate," Lederman explains. "Making somebody feel valuable is value-adding."
Everything from engaging with their content on social media to adding a review of their book on Amazon shows that you appreciate them and are doing your best to amplify their message.
"Those are ways that you can begin to not just have your name recognized but maintain a relationship by having your name continue to appear lightly in their world," Lederman says.
"They can see that you are aware of their work, appreciating it, supporting it, and interacting with it in a way that is tangible and purposeful."
Then, when you make direct contact, you'll have a good idea of who they are and what might interest them.
"What are they working on? Can you offer to help in some way, free of charge?" Lederman says.
You don't want to be the person who's constantly like, "Oh, they say you can add value by sending an article."
Instead, Lederman proposes making sure that what you're sending has a level of specificity to it. By all means, send an article to someone you're looking to connect with, but take the time to really hone in on why.
"Try saying something like ‘I thought this article would be interesting to you, specifically point number four, which relates to your work on such and such,'" she says.
"Just wanted to bring it to your attention and would be curious to hear your thoughts, if you have the time."
How to Maintain Professional Relationships Without Being Annoying
Once you've connected, the mission shifts to keeping this person in your life without being annoying. To do that, Lederman says you need a light touch.
"I've been friends with a very senior-level CEO for over a decade because after we met and he knocked down my business idea (because there was a purpose to our initial meeting), I dropped a bottle of his favorite tequila off at his office," she says.
"Then, he thanked me and invited me to see what he was doing next. I then sent him a link to a tool that might be relevant to him. Then, he was doing something and asked me if I knew anyone for it, and I introduced him to someone. And he became a mentor."
"Now I send him an email once a year saying, ‘Hey, here's what I'm up to, want to grab a drink?' It happened through little light touches, little ways that I thought could be valuable."
To network with your heroes, reach out without asking for anything in return and keep it simple. "It puts you in their mind, not in their face," Lederman says.
How to Build Real Connections With People You Admire
Networking with people you admire isn't about saying the perfect thing or timing your message flawlessly. It's about showing up with intention, being clear on why you're reaching out, and making the interaction feel easy for the other person. When you approach it this way, you stop overthinking and start building something real.
The shift is simple but powerful: focus less on what you can get and more on how you show up. When you're thoughtful, specific, and consistent, people notice. That's what turns a one-time message into an actual relationship over time.
If you're ready to take this further, start practicing one script from this guide this week. Then build from there. At Girlboss, we're big on making career moves feel actionable, not intimidating.
If you want more support, check out our jobs board to find opportunities where your network actually works for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to network effectively?
Networking effectively is building professional relationships through intentional, value-driven interactions over time. You do this by being clear on your purpose, reaching out with something specific, and following up in a way that feels natural instead of forced. The goal isn't to impress people, it's to make it easy for them to engage with you.
What should I say when reaching out to someone I admire?
You should lead with appreciation and be specific about why you're reaching out. A simple message that references their work and how it impacted you is enough to start. Avoid asking for something right away, because low-pressure outreach gets more responses.
How do I network if I feel like I have nothing to offer?
Feeling like you have nothing to offer usually comes from underestimating small actions. Adding value can be as simple as engaging with someone's work, sharing their content, or sending something relevant to their interests. Value is anything that shows you're paying attention and contributing thoughtfully.
Is it okay to ask for mentorship right away?
It's better not to ask for mentorship immediately. Strong professional relationships are built gradually through consistent, low-pressure interactions. Start by building familiarity, then make a small, specific ask once there's some connection.
How often should I follow up without being annoying?
Following up works best when it's occasional and relevant. A good rhythm is every few months, especially if you have something meaningful to share, like an update or something related to their work. Consistency matters more than frequency.
What's the best platform for networking today?
The best platform depends on your industry, but LinkedIn, email, and social platforms all work when used intentionally. What matters more than the platform is how specific and thoughtful your message is. A well-written message stands out anywhere.
How do I keep a professional relationship going long-term?
You maintain a professional relationship by staying visible in a low-effort way over time. This can include sharing updates, engaging with their work, or occasionally checking in with something relevant. Relationships last when they feel easy, not forced.
If you want more scripts and real examples like these, start with one approach from this guide and build consistency from there.
