Your heart feels like it has been squeezed into a bloody pulp. The thought of food makes you nauseous. You can’t imagine how you will face the day ahead.
If this sounds like you, honey, you’ve either had your relationship end… Or you’ve spent some time watching the news! But if, as I suspect, you’ve closed out your love’s last chapter, then you need some advice from a witch who has been there.
Sometimes getting input from your friends can feel like the blind leading the blind, but as someone who has led hundreds of babes through my Love Rehab program, I can say with authority that these tips will actually help you.
Let the dream die
One of the reasons that break-ups are so hard is because we have to let go of the unrealized dream we had for the relationship. We are in mourning for what could have been, and we find ourselves watching our fantasy dissolve. The dream that we had for the relationship becomes such a crucial piece of our identity that is almost as if we are saying goodbye to a part of ourselves too. Give yourself time to allow this realization to move through you. And be patient, it can take some time.
Consider that the universe only trades up
If you’ve recently said goodbye to a lover, you are probably feeling completely out of sorts. Know that this is normal, but also know that as painful as things may be right now, remember that you have experienced heartbreak before. When you look back, don’t those supposed soulmates you once cried over now seem like someone you wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole? I mean, thank goddess. I think back on many of my break-ups as having dodged a bullet. As you grow and your vibration rises, so do the people you meet and attract. Don’t sweat it: whoever comes next will be even more incredible. I promise.
Write it out
Allow yourself to sit with your journal for an hour and spill your guts on what really happened within your relationship. Write down what you loved about them, what you hated about them, what you will miss and what you won’t miss. This sounds like such a simple exercise but it can bring enormous clarity. Through this process, many people discover that their now ex-partner wasn’t really a great fit—just a comfortable or convenient one. This can bring so much relief.
Block and delete
Unless you are working out the details of a divorce or child custody, there is absolutely no reason for you to stay in contact with your ex. I am also willing to go on record and say that being “friends” straight after a break-up never works. It will only make you obsessive and increase the difficulty level when it comes to truly letting go. My suggestion: delete their number from your phone, and block them on Instagram. Think of it like ripping off a BandAid.
Don’t feel that you need to jump straight back into dating
While some people advise that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new, I suggest that you learn to embrace this time. So many of us are serial monogamists, hopping from one relationship to another, and while that can be fun, it also robs us of the discovery of how much fun we can have on our own. There is no better feeling than learning to enjoy your own company, and to stop relying on others to make us happy or keep us entertained. In fact, I would go so far as to say that learning how to love being single is an essential part of being a strong, powerful woman.
Have a ritual cord-cutting bath
When you feel truly ready to cut emotional ties with your ex, draw yourself a ritual bath. This ritual is so powerful and will help you feel a sense of closure around your relationship. Fill it with Epsom salts, a few drops of an essential oil of your choice, and white rose petals. Before you get in, spend some time re-reading the page(s) you wrote about the relationship.
Allow yourself to dive deep into your emotions and let yourself feel everything that comes up. Spend some time relaxing in the tub, and then when you feel ready to cut the cord for good, close your eyes and visualize your ex in front of you. Between the two of you, see some cords. These cords might look thin and wispy like cobwebs, or they could be like rope, whatever comes up for you is perfect. Now, in your mind’s eye, pick up a big pair of golden scissors and use them to cut the cords. Snip them as many times as you need to.
See the cords fall to the ground and disintegrate, and watch your ex drift further and further away, out into the universe, like gravity has released its grip on them, until you no longer see them. You can open your eyes when you feel ready, and then wash your body from head to toe. As you do this, visualize washing away their influence, the things they said to you, and the very last of their grip on you. Remove the plug and watch the water swirl down the drain, taking the end of the relationship with it. Thank the universe, or yourself, for taking the time to let you heal and for protecting you always.
