The Ultimate Glossary Of Weird Work Phrases And What They *Actually* Mean

The Ultimate Glossary Of Weird Work Phrases And What They *Actually* Mean

Welcome to the modern office. It’s a jungle in here.

Every day we’re bombarded by emails bursting with passive-aggressive grenades and we attend meetings laden with acronym-wrapped landmines. Trying to crack the code of what our coworkers are really trying to say is dangerous but necessary work.

Ahead, we’ve put together a glossary of what those weird work terms and phrases actually mean, so you can get back to reading instead of reading between the lines:

When they say: “Close of business should be fine.”

They mean: “Please have this done by the time I leave.”

When they say: “Thanks in advance…”

They mean: “You’re doing this. You have no choice.”

When they say: “Can I pick your brain for a sec?”

They mean: “Can you help me do my job?”

When they say: “Per my last email…”

They mean: “Omg, I already answered your question.”

When they say: “Let’s circle back to this.”

They mean: “Leave it with me, goddamn it!”

When they say: “Can we revisit in a few months?”

They mean: “Let us never speak of this again.”

When they say: “Please advise.”

They mean: “Tell me what to do. I need your help!”

When they say: “This might be a stupid question, but…”

They mean: “I may not understand this one thing, but I am a very smart person. Don’t get mad.”

When they say: “Just following up…”

They mean: “If you don’t respond, you will continue to hear from me every couple of days until your eventual death.”

When they say: “Feel free to Slack me later.”

They mean: “I’m leaving the office before you and I don’t want to feel guilty about it.”

When they say: “With all due respect…”

They mean: “You are a numbnuts.”

When they say: “I’ll see what I can do.”

They mean: “Let’s move on!”