Has such a worthy instrument ever been so widely misunderstood? One woman’s (literal) defense of the compact but mighty stun gun.
I am a pacifist. (Mostly.) I am sick to death of these disgusting school shootings. I think every Republican congressman should shove their thoughts and prayers up their [redacted].
I believe nobody anywhere should own a gun. Or maybe like one person per state can own a gun under the conditions that gun shoots one bullet per hour, is used exclusively to hunt old fashioned animals like pheasants, and the person has to get 45 licenses before operating it.
This strong aversion to violence is why it’s hard and perhaps confusing to express the pleasure and relief that even the words “stun gun” send coursing through my veins. I simply adore my stun gun!
I bought it on Amazon for $24 about five years ago and I’ve taken it all over the world with me. I have only pressed it to flesh once, on a very extra acquaintance who begged me to because he is an adrenaline junkie. But knowing that I have it forever by my side is a pleasure worth $25, hell even $26 dollars.
Also, my stun gun has a flashlight on it and it can make a loud siren sound which I actually have used (to get teens who jumped the fence off my front lawn, I’m so fun). Even the intense crackling sound of releasing the voltage into the air when it’s not pressed against someone is enough to impress and/or disturb everyone around you.
Here is what a stun gun is not: It is not a taser, the gun that shoots electrodes that disable people and, if held for too long, can kill them. The stun gun is not a gun at all, for that matter: It’s a little voltage pack with two metal prongs that you hold directly against someone to make them extremely regret screwing with you.
Stun gun manufacturers call it “close range self defense,” but I prefer to put it in laywoman’s terms and say “if his sweaty hand’s creeping up your knee, he’s close enough!” You can’t kill someone with a stun gun, because it emits high voltage and low amperage. High amperage is what’ll kill you; high voltage will only make you wish you were dead.
I can’t say precisely what the stunning feels like as I have never experienced it, but when I pressed one to my adrenaline-loving acquaintance, he started twitching all over, he covered his face with his free arm, his face contorted terribly, and he screamed like he was being, you know, repeatedly electrically shocked 🙂
Yes, the world is full of terrifying people and situations—you have likely experienced this as you’re presently reading a woman-identifying website—but why not use mace, pepper spray, one of those walk-yourself-home apps, or just a keychain panic alarm, you ask?
A couple years ago, I wrote an article on a company that made keychain panic alarms and a police officer I interviewed made a good point: Panic alarms sounds like car alarms, the most common annoying sound in the world and one that absolutely everybody ignores.
Mace and pepper spray are simultaneously dull and dangerous; the attacker can twist your arm and spray it back in your face. (Decent stun guns have little metal panels on the side so that if your attacker tries to wrestle it away from you, they’ll get even more shocked.) As for the walk-yourself-home apps, they just seem like a drag to activate every single night in the off chance something weird happens.
Stun guns are legal in nearly every state of the US and you can pack them in your checked baggage. Am I saying that every woman in America should own a stun gun? Not necessarily. Nuns who live in stone-walled nunneries probably don’t need them. But unfortunately, many of us might.
Non-nuns behind stone walls can buy one on Amazon. I recommend the VIPERTEK VTS-989, which brings me nothing but comfort in a cold and creepy world. The manufacturers unfortunately did not even pay me to say that. It’s just how I feel.
