By Jennifer Nguyen and Victoria Christie
Remember the Bumble campaign that shamed women for not having sex? With slogans like “You know full well that a vow of celibacy is not the answer” and “Thou shall not give up on dating to become a nun,” the ad rollout caused quite a commotion. Since then, women have been more vocal about voluntarily abstaining from sex.
One of those women is Julia Fox, who is arguably the most prominent face of the modern celibacy movement. She said on a podcast with Zach Sang that she hasn’t had sex for 2.5 years for political reasons because she’s not comfortable doing it until anti-abortion legislation like Roe v. Wade is reversed. Since then, she’s come out as a lesbian.
Fox isn’t alone on her celibacy journey. A survey from the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal) in Britain found that 22 percent of women aged 16 to 74 were sexually inactive.
This got our investigative journalist brains churning, and we decided to ask our Girlboss Daily subscribers if they are celibate, and if so, why they’re abstaining from sex, what inspired them and how their experience has been overall.
We compiled their inspiring answers below.
“I’ve been celibate for over 10 years and I am actually enjoying the freedom of self-pleasure.”
“Staying celibate gives me the control to decide when, where and who I decide to share my body with. I am more than just my body.”
“I've been celibate since COVID, and until I find a man interesting enough to spend time with, one interested in me as a person instead of a body for sex, I plan on staying celibate. In today's world, I don't see an end to my celibacy any time soon, and it's actually become more of a protest against toxic masculinity. When men clean up their act, I might find them interesting (and safe) again.”
“I realized after the last person I had sex with, that I didn't want 'casual sex' anymore. I had a pretty intense period of being more promiscuous which was really fun. However, I want to be more intentional about the people I sleep with because I just think sex is way better when you have a deeper connection with someone. For right now, I'm okay waiting for someone who's worth sharing my body and energy with.”
“I was very sexually active in my 20s. I thought that I was as empowered as men in my ability to have sex without attachment. But I have come to realize that although I might feel empowered through detachment, that doesn't mean that I have earned respect from men. I've learned that there is actually more power in abstaining from sex. It allows time for a potential partner to prove that they respect you and that a sexual encounter will be reciprocal.”
“Celibacy started out as a medical issue after hemorrhoid surgery that affected the neighboring area, but after talking to friends, several confided that they've been celibate for months or even a couple of years due to dating frustrations (hookup culture, ghosting, etc.) and wanting more meaningful connections. They said it's been a positive experience with more free time to focus on career and hobbies, less stress, more savings—because dating is expensive no matter the gender or preference. Generally, they said they were happier and more fulfilled and didn't miss the drama and disappointment. I have found over the past two years since surgery that's so true. I personally just deleted all the apps and have been dating myself IRL, and if I happen to meet someone out here in the wild then great! But it's no longer a driving factor in my life. I am the driving factor in my life. Hello self-worth!”
“I used to practice celibacy because of religion, but now it’s about being more conscious of not allowing physical attraction to be a major part of the relationship. I would rather meet and connect first on a deeper level to see if that would be stronger vs. having sex.”
“I have been celibate for years. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex, but between life, work, and not really connecting with my dates, it has become the norm for me. As I get older, I feel sex is supposed to be more special, and with the advancement of toys, that’s been enough for me. My experience has been fine overall. Of course, I want to find someone, but I don't want sex to cloud my judgment. When I date, I can spot red flags more easily, and when I genuinely like someone, it's without the influence of sex. Being celibate won’t last forever, but my mental health has been a lot better. If someone ghosts me or things don’t work out, I find that I’m not as hurt as if I had given my body. I have more time for hobbies, and when the right person comes along, I look forward to experiencing that connection again. I believe women should do what’s right for them. It’s not a one-size-fits-all situation.”
“I'm really content with my current status of singlehood. I have never been in a relationship. Maybe because physical touch isn't my top priority, but I'm pretty fine with myself. I tried using sex toys, and the first few times were amazing, but after a while, I don't reach for them anymore. Either I'm too tired (your girl needs sleep!) or I just don't feel that sex drive. There are sudden cravings for intimacy, but it dies down really fast and life goes on for me. Plus, my head is filled with other thoughts and worries. Because it's oversaturated with other thoughts, sex doesn't come into my brain's list of to-dos.”
“I'm recommitting to abstinence. I'm in my mid-30s single and I’m tired of the games. Pleasure can be found in so many different ways that don't involve risking my health.”
